Hold me when I fall
by ncis-lady
Summary: "Suddenly he felt an iron grip on his arm, steady and strong, and relentlessly it pulled him back. Kíli stumbled backwards, pressing himself against the surface of the rock, gasping for air as he stared into the blue eyes of his brother." What if things had gone differently during the thunder battle of the stone giants? AU, Kíli's POV. One-shot.


Suddenly on a train ride home on Sunday afternoon this story popped into my head. I know it must have been written a hundred times before, but I had to write this down because it wouldn't let me sleep at night.

The stone giants scene in AUJ, when Kíli and Fíli get seperated, hit me right in the feels (gosh, the look of sheer terror on Kíli's face... oh no...) and I don't really understand why PJ didn't give us even a little brotherly moment afterwards. So this is my AU version of that scene, with less attention to Bilbo and more to Fíli and Kíli. ;)

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**Hold me when I fall**

Kíli was reckless. He always had been, even as a dwarfling, and through the years trouble had never failed to find him. For that was something Kíli had always tried to explain to the older dwarves, and especially his mother: he didn't search for trouble, it usually seeked him. And the young dwarf welcomed it with open arms, knowing that he would always be caught if he fell.

And now his recklessness had sent him flying straight into the middle of a battle of stone giants. Rain came down in torrents, pressing his hood onto his head as even his leathery cloak offered little protection against the fierce wind. The ground shook, stones came from the sky, and desperately he tried to maintain his grip on the uneven side of the rock. He felt his fingers slip from the surface, and his heavy boots slid on the wet ground. And the noise was almost unbearable. He could hardly hear the voices of his companions through the thunder, and he turned his head frantically searching for his brother.

"Fíli!"

The word was carried away by a gull, and in that moment his right foot slipped. Kíli stumbled, for a second losing his balance, he swayed forward and reached out in vain to something to hold on to.

Suddenly he felt an iron grip on his arm, steady and strong, and relentlessly it pulled him back. Kíli stumbled backwards, pressing himself against the surface of the rock, gasping for air as he stared into the blue eyes of his brother.

"It's alright," he managed to say, offering a weak smile towards his worried brother. The older one opened his mouth as if to say something, but all of a sudden the ground shook again, even more fiercely than before, and screams of horror erupted around them.

"Hold on!" yelled Thorin through the rain. "For Durin's sake, hold on!"

His uncle's words echoed in Kíli's ears as he clung to the stony wall for dear life, his fingers aching beyond measure when the mountain shook. The howling and creaking grew louder, and Kíli suddenly knew that something was different.

A terrified cry made him look up, and his stomach lurched when he saw the panic evident on his brother's face.

"Kíli!"

"What's happening?" shouted Kíli when fear took hold of him in a more intense way than ever before on their journey. At his feet a gap appeared in the ground, growing wider by the second with an ear-deafening rumbling noise, and on the other side of the creak was Fíli, his wide eyes almost hidden by his hood as he called out once more.

The mountain didn't just move. It broke apart. And it would take Fíli with it.

"Kíli, grab my hand!" cried the blonde dwarf, reaching out his hand, swaying where he stood dangerously close to the abyss. "Kíli!"

But Kíli stood paralysed, unable to move when terror washed over him. He would lose his brother. They would never get out of this alive, this was madness, all odds were against their company, had been from the beginning. Already Fíli and the half of the group were further away, and somewhere through the mist he could hear his brother calling for him, but the voice grew fainter as everything around Kíli seemed to slow down.

He was vaguely aware of his uncle standing behind him, he could hear him yelling, but it all became a blur, the only clear shape that of Fíli, the only distinct noise that of his brother calling out his name.

Kíli had always been reckless. And he knew that he was foolish, he knew that it was already too far and that he would never make it. But he wouldn't be separated from his big brother. Not here, when they were all doomed to die on that mountain side in the pouring rain. If they had to die here, he'd be at Fíli's side.

So he jumped.

It seemed like endless flying, he could feel the abyss underneath his feet, dark and cold and perilous, and his eyes were fixed on his brother who stared at him wide-eyed with his hands reached out for him. It was so close. Kíli would have made it, if the mountain hadn't broken further apart, widening the gap as the gigantic stone man made to move. Kíli's fingertips grazed the edge of the rock, but he could feel the surface slip beneath his hands and in a moment of clarity he realised that he wouldn't be able to hold on. His calmness should have scared him, but all he could think was that he felt sorry for his family. They wouldn't even have a body to bury once he was crushed by the stone giant's feet.

And just when he felt himself beginning to fall, someone grabbed his arm.

"I've got you! I've got you, Kee!"

And he looked up to find Fíli gazing at him through terrified eyes, and he closed his own eyes for a split second. Fíli was there. Fíli wouldn't let him fall.

But still the mountain vibrated and shook, Kíli could see his surroundings pass him by swiftly, and the only thing that kept him steady was his brother's iron grip on his right wrist. A blast of wind blew the hood off Kíli's head, and immediately his hair was plastered to his forehead, strands of it covering his eyes. He swore that if they ever made it to Erebor alive, he would finally allow Fíli to braid his hair so that this would never happen again. He almost laughed out hysterically at the ridiculous thought in a moment like this.

"Kíli, grab my hand!" cried Fíli desperately, and Kíli saw his grip on his wrist loosening slowly when the leather became slippery from the rain. Gathering all strength he had left in him, Kíli swung his left hand up, closing his fingers around Fíli's strong arm.

"Alright, I'll pull you up. I've got you, Kee, I've got you." But all Kíli could do was nod and hold on to his brother, his lifeline in the gathering storm. "Dwalin, Bofur, help me!"

There was a hint of panic in Fíli's voice, and Kíli froze. His feet, which had been testing the rocky mountain wall for support, stilled on their own accord. He could feel the muscles in his arms scream in protest the longer the weight of his body and his bags pulled him down. But his eyes were transfixed on his brother whose face seemed nearer than it had been just moments earlier.

Not only would he fall and die at the hands of a stone giant, ending crushed and broken at its feet. He was about to pull his brother down with him.

Kíli had been reckless, and this time he would pay for it. But Mahal forbid that Fíli went with him.

He searched for his brother's eyes and found them, and he opened his mouth but his words were carried away by the wind.

"I'm sorry," he mouthed, trying to make Fíli understand. For a moment the older dwarf stared back at him, his face drained of all colour when he realised what the younger one was about to do. Then he shook his head furiously, securing his tight grip around Kíli's arm, and Kíli wanted to scream at him and make him understand, but no words left his mouth.

"Don't you dare, little brother!" yelled Fíli, his blue eyes boring themselves into Kíli just when the blonde slipped yet a little closer towards the edge. "Don't you dare! Kíli!"

Kíli had always thought that when you're about to die, your life would flash before your eyes. That you would see the faces of your childhood and the places where you'd been, that you'd have time to relive it all in a fraction of a second. But now all he felt was a small stone buried deep in one of his pockets, and all he saw was his brother's face and the way the leathery cloak covering his right arm slipped underneath Fíli's left hand , and he wanted to apologise but didn't find the words before his fingers released their hold on Fíli's arm.

He prepared himself for the fall, but it never came. All of a sudden he was hauled up, landing painfully on the rocky surface, gasping for breath as someone hit him hard across the face.

"What were you thinking, laddie?" roared Dwalin, fury blazing in his dark eyes. Fíli just stared at him with a kind of look that Kíli couldn't quite determine. His cheek burned, and he knew that it wasn't only due to Dwalin's strong hand. What had he been thinking?

"Fee, I'm –"

But his apology was cut short when all of a sudden the world tilted. Everything happened too fast, the stone giant seemed to fall, and the huge rock that had been far away mere seconds ago came nearer at alarming speed. They were about to crash right into it. There was no way out but down the edge. Kíli could see Dwalin with one hand on Bilbo, the other on his axe, shouting the wildest curses at the mountain range as if he could will it to stop this mischief just by yelling. He had an almost maniacal look about him as he faced the stone, a mad man laughing death in the face in the moment of truth. Bombur was standing protectively in front of Bofur, his silhouette tiny against the massive rock. The wall came nearer, and Kíli felt himself grabbing his brother's hand when he counted down to the end of his life.

Suddenly, when everything around him seemed to slow down excruciatingly, he couldn't see the rock anymore. He stared into the blue eyes of his brother instead, who was facing him as somewhere behind his back the wall drew nearer. Fíli had one hand curled tightly around his arm, and his left was entangled with Kíli's own, and his face was calm when his mouth formed words that Kíli couldn't hear through the deafening sound of the dying mountain. But he could read them, for he had heard them before.

_I've got you, little brother._

And he wanted to say something, tell him all the small unimportant things you always forgot to say, the things that really mattered but which were never spoken aloud. But it was too loud, and the fear was taking his breath away, and the wall came closer and closer and all Kíli could do was keep his brother's steady gaze and assure himself that he wouldn't die alone.

Death never came.

Later on Kíli would think how curious it was that for the first time on their quest, luck was on the side of the line of Durin. Mahal knew they hadn't had much of that in the last decades! But in the midst of the stone battle, the dying giant missed the wall by mere inches, instead crashing into a smaller rock, stopping its movements within a split second. Kíli felt himself flying through the air as he was catapulted from the stony ground on which he'd been standing. He landed heavily on the ground of the smaller rock, the impact taking his breath away for a moment when his ribs collided painfully with the hard surface. His head was spinning, but a grunt from somewhere beside him made him scramble to his feet as fast as he could, ignoring the bile rising from his stomach.

"Fíli?" he asked, surprised when he found his voice coming out unnaturally quiet and raspy. His hands were shaking slightly, and he took a deep breath to fight down the urge to throw up. This had been too close. Way too close. He turned his head and his gaze fell on Fíli who was lying on his back, wincing when he moved, but offering a weak smile to his brother. Their eyes met for a brief moment, but before either could say anything Thorin's voice drowned out all noises.

"Kíli! Fíli!"

Their uncle rushed towards them, and Kíli could see a shadow in his blue eyes that was immediately replaced with evident relief.

"You're alright," he mumbled, more to himself than to his nephews, "thank Mahal you're alive!"

Fear. That's what the shadow had been, and Kíli shuddered inwardly. Thorin was never afraid of anything, or that's what the young dwarf had thought, and it was in that moment, on this huge rock in the middle of nowhere, that he realised he'd been wrong. And it scared him.

Thorin held out his hand and helped Fíli to his feet, putting his hand onto the blonde dwarf's shoulder for a moment. Kíli could see him opening his mouth as if to say something, but the dwarven leader remained silent, though Kíli was sure that Fíli understood him all the same. Thorin then went to where the rest of the small group were standing or still lying, offering a helping hand to get Bombur back up and talking quietly to Ori who was shaking like a leaf.

Kíli and Fíli were left alone, and the raven-haired dwarf suddenly wished he could switch places with Bofur, who was already cracking jokes. At least that would save him from that look on Fíli's face.

"How could you do that?" asked Fíli eventually, his voice unusually quiet, and Kíli felt his cheeks flushing.

"Do what?" he replied defensively, although he knew quite well what his brother meant.

"You know what I mean, Kíli," said the older one, his blue eyes shining with barely hidden anger. "Asking me to let you fall? How could you do that, Kee?"

Kíli bit his lower lip, fidgeting with the sleeve of his soaked-through cloak. He avoided his brother's gaze as he spoke.

"It was either me or both of us. I couldn't have you die for me."

Fíli laughed shakily, a fake, hallow laughter so unlike the blonde prince that Kíli couldn't help but look at him. His brother stared back at him, and it wasn't only just anger that Kíli could see in his eyes. All kinds of emotions were mirrored in his blue orbs, and suddenly the younger dwarf understood that it took all of Fíli's willpower to keep his seemingly calm posture.

"And you'd rather I watch you die? Make me chose between your life and mine? For Durin's sake, Kíli, how could you even think that –"

But his voice broke before he could finish the sentence. Instead, he suddenly pulled Kíli into a close hug, and the younger one buried his face into his brother's neck.

"I'm sorry, Fee," he mumbled, his voice muffled and almost inaudible. He was still shaking, but not as bad as before.

The dwarves parted, and Fili held his brother by the arm before the younger one could turn around.

"Don't do that ever again, do you promise?"

"I promise."

"We'll go to Erebor together, and we won't fall, and we'll enter the halls of our fathers together, won't we?"

"We will."

Fíli nodded with a small smile tugging at his lips, and his eyes became distant for a moment as if he remembered something he'd long forgotten. When he looked back at Kíli his face was serious.

"Just know that, when it comes down to it, I would always choose you over me. I'd rather die than see you fall."

And with that he walked away towards the rest of the group, leaving Kíli behind with a turmoil of emotions. He shook his head once as if he could thereby clear it. He had to focus on what was waiting ahead. There'd be plenty of time to think about what had happened later.

Kíli had always been reckless. But he knew that his brother would be there to catch him should he slip and fall. Just like he had always been.

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_But we'll never fall if we stand for something_

_We stand for something_

(Rise Against, "Long Forgotten Sons")


End file.
